Is this a mistake?

I find this an oft-returning thought to me. I completely believe in assuming responsibility to what happens with my life. And truly, my career and life so far is a reflection of conscious decisions I have taken thus far in my journey. But every time I look back, I clearly see the mistakes I make. Some of these mistakes are fairly disastrous.

I sometimes wonder I shouldn’t have joined IIT. I always knew I wanted to be on my own. IIT was not a logical step in that direction – as in – not a step aimed to directly equip me for this. IIT was a dream and I pursued it. But should I have pursued that dream in lieu of a losing a bigger dream?

I shouldn’t have taken up a VLSI position. I love what I do, definitely. But this is not the type of industry I would like to be part of. I should have waited for an algorithms type position, especially in parallel programming domain that I really mastered at IIT. But I needed a job. ATHR gave me one. I met some great people, acquired some great skill set, and made some of the my best connections ever. ATHR got acquired by QCOM and I knew I wouldn’t like it there. It was too big for me. So I quit. I thought this current company would really fit my aspiration. Not only was I wrong, even this company got acquired by another giant – virtually sealing my aspiration. And now that I have spent quite a lot of time dealing with emulation and FPGAs that I might not even warrant a entry level position in parallel programming domains. Damn.

I moved to Singapore. I love the country, definitely. I don’t quite like the work culture here. Or maybe I just miss the wonderful environment in my earlier chn offices. I don’t have a network here. I only hang out with the wife. Since I am on a work visa, there is a certain restriction on what I can do outside work. And since I don’t drink or party, I don’t quite have a circle outside work. Contrasting that with Chennai, inspite of no drink-no party scenario, I did have a circle of people that I could work with on weekends. Is this a big mistake? It seems so to me.

If you want to pursue entrepreneurship, you need focus. And you need some inspiration and motivation. And you need to be able to see some valid problems to solve. And you need some people to discuss what you see. And you typically need at least one more person who may work with you on the problem you are trying to solve. Or this is what I have understood from the vast majority of articles I have read on the subject in the last couple of years. Although, I don’t have a financial commitment tying me down to a job, I don’t have the luxury of remaining incomeless for the next 1.5 years. So, I blew it. I can’t quit a job. I don’t have a network. I don’t see any problems anymore. And I am alone in this quest. Did I just complicate my own life in the pursuit of a dream? Maybe I did and maybe that’s a very bad mistake.



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